23 Thursday Jul 2015
You place your hand on me,Internally I quake.
The the unrelenting force that is my heart wants to spill out from my quivering mouth.
I still yearn.
Those moments when your lips were pressed against mine.
They were the only things I ever knew to feel perfect.
You were beautiful, confident, and had me in the first seconds I saw you.
And now here I am.
Trying to shut down what I cannot.
So I accept it.
Even if I never feel it again, I felt heaven once.
And in that there is a comfort.
16 Monday Mar 2015
Posted in Poetry, Uncategorized, Writing
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Today was my second time snowboarding on a mountain. It was fast, icy conditions.
My first two runs went great, although a little fast for my newbie self.
Now the third run is where everything went to shit. I’m coming around a corner on a fast section when I start the process of slowing down. And that’s when it happens.
What I remember is another snowboarder barelling around the corner, right at me, they freak and go to stop only to drive the nose of their snowboard into my right side and sending me flying backwards into the woods.
I wake up 20 minutes later in a ski patrol sled careening down the mountain.
So my second time in a snowboard ends with 2 fractured ribs, a bruised lung and many bruises muscles, a very bruised tailbone, a bunch of cuts and bruises and a major concussion.
Awesome day!
15 Sunday Mar 2015
Posted in Poetry, Uncategorized, Writing
I failed myself last night. I gave into pain. I tried to drown it out, I couldn’t. Inside I am screaming for a release. This has cost me everything. My love, my job, my oldes friends. I keep pushing everyone away. Walking across bridges carelessly spilling gasoline and recklessly flicking ohio blue tips at the puddles. Mainly, I don’t want anyone to miss me. No matter what, I feel empty, exhausted. I have given everything of myself to others so long that there is nothing left to give.
How do I get it back? How do I stay strong in the face of my own faults? My coping mechanisms are more of a personal torture. Those who want me to be better, to live a happier life, are always the ones I chase away first. The ones who have tried over and over again to help me see something in myself that is worth a damn.
I don’t know if I ever will.
14 Saturday Feb 2015
Posted in Poetry, Uncategorized, Writing
I am a leaf, clinging to my branch that I’ve known through my whole existence.
You are a hurricane force wind that plucks me from my home.
I am tossed effortlessly through the sky and when the fear subsides I look at the new world below me.
The things I couldn’t see and never know are now in front of me.
Twist, flip, descend and spiral upward.
I am higher now than I could ever imagine.
The simple, defiant leaf.
Let go, let the wind take you.
See what you have never seen, glide through the earths breath and live.
07 Saturday Feb 2015
Posted in Poetry, Uncategorized, Writing
04 Wednesday Feb 2015
A cold chill runs down my spine.
Vehement hatred is all I feel for life right now.
I want to go numb but I can’t.
This can’t be happening.
You were and are my protector.
My best friend, my sister, mother figure, my fucking rock.
You taught me to cook, to socialize, to stand up for myself, and you were always my conscience.
You have a heart and compassion I could wish a thousand times to have, but I never will.
At worst you are my compass, at best the only thing that keeps my humanity in tact.
It’s always the good, the ones that deserve to be here.
We have been practically inseparable our whole lives.
We have the same friends, we have been on so many adventures.
You are my world.
Without you I will crumble, I wish I could just absorb the poison from you.
I deserve it, not you.
01 Sunday Feb 2015
Posted in Poetry, Uncategorized, Writing
We were both spread thin laying there.
Dead inside in our own unique ways.
Staring at pealing paint on the ceiling, both counting the minutes until we fell asleep.
There wasn’t much sleep.
It’s a rapid dissolve .
We’ve lied to ourselves and each other for too long.
I’ve been in love with an idea before, the idea is always irresistible.
In that sense I am an addict. When I am weak that is my drug of choice.
In his last throws an addict can be the ugliest thing you have seen.
Anger becomes Ire.
24 Saturday Jan 2015
22 Thursday Jan 2015
There is nothing like the electricity in your skin.
I feel it as my hands glide from your back to your hips.
It pulses through every muscle and spills out into my nervous fingers
I take a breath and absorb the current.
My arms and shoulders tremble in response.
And yet around you I am powerless.
07 Wednesday Jan 2015
Posted in Poetry, Uncategorized, Writing
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I’ll stand here for a while and take it all in.
It’s cold, a steady wind from the north almost reaches into your lungs to pull the breath from you.
It’s a certain quiet you only get in the dead of winter.
Nature creates prisms in frozen water droplets perilously dangling from the tips of the pine boughs and hardwood branches.
A low howl sounds steady through the river valley.
It’s winter’s song.
The few seasonal birds huddle together for warmth in the dense low brush.
This is a “one of a kind” beauty that can only happen here.
This is a place where the wind can have teeth,but when the sun shines and the skies are blue, this place looks like it’s made of diamonds.
My muscles burn as I shiver.
This can only be appreciated in short burst.
This is why we live here.
Man at Zero 